Fucking Convenience

So it's true that for the last couple years i've been trying to avoid air travel out of concern for the environment.

i often have the luxury of time which has allowed me to do so free of complaint.

And there have also been times, such as the recent cancellation of my Japan flight, which did cause significant inconvenience and monetary penalty.

Maybe i have made myself into an example for others, and maybe that's a problem.

One time i felt like my coworkers were attacking me for my decision to cancel my flight, as understandably they may have felt like i was condemning their own flights as environmentally terrible.

And in fact i do think all flights are just that, but that's nothing i said to them. Truthfully, i just did so for my own peace of mind, and to rid myself of the feeling that i was being a hypocrite.

i have a lot of trouble in trying to factor in how my own ego affects everything. Is it the hypocrisy in the eyes of myself or others that causes me discomfort? How much of each one? Don't know.

Tonight Q has suggested that she doesn't want to take a 9 hr train to Dalian, in favour of a 1 hr plane ride that's not that much more expensive. It put me in a bad mood. Ok, maybe it wastes too much time; ok maybe the train will be dirty; ok maybe it's very inconvenient for her, and inconvenient for her to come to the train station.

i refrained from making any argument because maybe any argument i would make would equally be an argument from a self-righteous ego. i was silent for a bit and then said ok, albeit in a grumbly way. Eventually i suggested maybe just taking the train one way back to BJ.

There's no doubt that when i fly i feel pretty guilty and shitty about it. i also feel that hey, i've flown a plenty in 35 yrs on this planet, and am more responsible for more than my fair share of carbon emissions. Who the fuck am i to tell others not to fly? So i don't. People can and will do whatever the fuck they want. Sorry if people take offense to my decisions.

This seems a lot bigger than the eating veg thing. It seems so extreme to people that i want to fly less. It's practically unheard of. I don't want to be extreme. i have zero f'ing desire to be a guy who you can't travel with, or who's a pain in the ass to deal with. i dunno, i feel kinda alone in this, however that happened.