This post is just to console readers who thought i was sounding too positive about everything.
Yesterday i woke up cranky and a bit sick. H was on her half of the bed and i felt a real reaction to get away from her.
i took a piss, put on my shoes and went for a long walk. Sat in a park, and had a meditation which ended in sobbing.
Went bk to the room, where H was packing her things (moving to a new hotel). Climbed into bk into bed and lay w/ the sheets over my head so it would be discreet when spasms of tears struck.
We pack out and walk to the new hotel. i hardly say a word, and always avert my face from hers, unable to look at her.
At the new hotel we have to wait 20 min for our room. we sip a beer. i hide behind the visor of my hat the entire time. Tears are intermittent. And i don't know why precisely they come. i'm not thinking of one thing or another. They come. they stop. they start up for a moment. they have a mind (or emotions) of their own.
Shortly afterwards i leave the hotel and kill time wandering around for the day, feeling grumpy and headachey.
Today i feel fine again. Break ups rock.