Saturday, August 16, 2008


Didn't see that one coming. Or did i. i felt kinda nervous going bk to BJ wondering how it would be w/ Heza after our summer separation.

And i was shortly informed that our relationship would not continue on where it had left off in June.

A few tears aside, i thought i took it pretty well, though i am sad and rather confused about the year(s) to come, all of which need massive re-envisioning. Many of you know i had planned to be w/ Heza at the ripe age of 85.

Sad to hear that despite our love for each other, she doesn't think it is an ideal match.

Sad that over the summer i had discussed marriage and family with so many Indians and the one major decision of my summer was to try and eradicate the animosity i have demonstrated towards her family, to try and build new relations as if they were my own family.

But also i can understand the frustration she has experienced with me over the last couple years, and it's not fair to either of us if she finds herself unable to forgive me for being me.

Case in point: this morning we went to the BJ airport to head out for our no-longer-romantic holiday. despite arriving plenty early, i lost track of time while sitting alone, and barely made the last call for boarding. Meanwhile H was all stressed out waiting for me. She has enough trouble forgiving herself for her own errors, and i often get held to her standards which doesn't fly so well.

i am definitely still processing what's going on. Kinda lost, kinda lonely, kinda confused, and also kinda ok with everything. Weirdly, i still feel like the universe is sending me messages saying, "it's ok," so that's very much appreciated. Thank-you universe.

Surely there is much strangeness and awkwardness in store for us, so do stay tuned.

I guess this gets filed as "Everyday Life."

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