Saturday, April 25, 2009

Friends without Benefits

Over dinner, my friend (w/ benefits) mentioned that her mom is coming to China in summer, and proposed that we could all do some travelling together. Which compelled me to disclose that i was planning to tell her next wkend that friends (w/ benefits) should probably just be friends. Next wkend, and not now, because next wkend is the May Day long wkend and we've got train tix to Xi'an province, and plans to catch the tail end of a music fest in the BJ outskirts.

We both use each other, but in different ways. I'm not so big on solo time these days, so I do my best to keep myself busy. And J always invites me out to art openings, parties, dinners, and trips out of the city.

Sometimes i can see her getting emotionally attached to me, so i want to be clear about things. She feels that if we have a good time together, enjoy similar activities and tastes, and the sex is good, that why wouldn't we be together?

But i know that if i want to be a friend, and i really really do, then of course, i shouldn't use or hurt her, and the more time we spend together, the stronger the emotinal connection becomes. On her part. Because as i may have mentioned before, i don't feel much love connection with her.

Anyhow, i asked if knowing my intentions to back up our relationship a bit makes her want to stop things right away. But she said, no, we can go to Xi'an, have a good time, and then break afterwards. Which is, i must say, ideal. And i think it shows how cool she is. The whole conversation was strangely casual, over bites of veggie version shake and bake chicken, and she concurred that this seems to be the best decision.

i feel kinda weird about life solo again. i will attempt to stop meeting hot women for a while, and maybe to meet more boys, and maybe to do more solo activities. We'll see how that all goes.

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