I was about to be hung, along with 2 or 3 other people. I had a hood placed over my head and was sat down on the seat of a children's swing set. Some thin rope was looped around my neck and pulled tight.
I started swinging back and forth, with thinking, "I don't want to die. I want to live. There's so much to live for! And so many rad people. And so much love. Love! Love!"
Then i started sending out metta vibrations, and i realized that Hey, this is a pretty rad way to die!
But then i stopped swinging, and realized that i could see through the hood. There was a window, and a mountain and lake vista beyond it. I really wanted to look out it, so i stood up.
The executioners were worried. Like, "hey, he's not dead, and he's actually gotten up!" i noticed that one said executioner was J, one of my CRI colleagues/friends. I said, "J, i recognize you. Don't worry, I just want to look out the window." There was no negative feeling at this point. I went up to the window but realized that everything outside was very distant, blurry and kinda disappointing.
Also, i noticed that the rope around my neck wasn't tight anymore and was kind of falling off. So i was trying to push it back into place.
Then I woke up.
What does it mean?
I gather it's about work and CRI. I'm kinda killing myself here now, or at least i feel it's not benefitting me so much anymore. The swingset may imply that it's like a place to play for me. And there i am not exactly committing suicide, but kinda complicit in the act. And no anger at anyone. That's just how it is.
The window: freelance work, i reckon. Windows of opportunity, but frankly not much happening these days.
