Forget About Education

A while ago, i had an interview w/ China Radio International. I hyped my time blogging for Beyond Robson, said some charming stuff, whipped out some photos of Japan to impress the guy, spent 1hr+ proving my salt as an editor (rewriting a disgustingly badly written article about internet dating in China), and did a voice test in the studio. I was told i'd get a call in a few days. Which i didn't.

About a week later i called CRI and was informed that i got the job. Well sort of. I got offered the package. The boss guy said it could be January before i actually start working. Because there's all this documentation required that i need to gather. Health check, letter of reference, Canadian criminal record check (which is a HUGE mof'ing hassle to get done from here)... and then apparently after documentation's provided, things're still slow on that end.

Anyhow: the job is for a Copy Editor with some journalist duties, and also i'll likely do some radio production and even photography for them. Articles to be written about arts, culture, and travel. In fact, there's no job for me to fill, but after looking at my credentials, the guy thinks there's room in the budget to take me on in order to improve the product of CRI's English program and website.

Hard to ask for a sweeter intro into the world of media. It won't pay much, but it's livable for China. Shit, i'm really exiting my former chosen career in education! Oh baby. We had our times, kids.

Oh, and also this is state-owned media, but produced for people outside of China. This gives us a bit more freedom, but there's no denying the hilarious fact that I'll be employed by the CHINESE GOVERNMENT! Well, there ya go, kids. Whodathunkit.

Detonate Intellectual War

I bought a can of walnut drink the other day. Quite tasty. Supposedly good for the brain. Marketed towards students.

I ignored the third word of the text which said it was Pulped Walnut Latex Product.

But below that, it stated quite beautifully: "POWER: Detonate Intellectual War."

Not quite sure what that meant, but I knew I had to drink it.

Bamboozled

China has a reputation for producing knock offs. Fake iPhones, fake Gucci bags, fake baby food, you name it.. There's also a lot of fake alcohol. Even a 60 cent bottle of 40% baijiu can be fake. Shots of tequila from the bar taste like tequila but they don't pack the same punch. Unless you're in a swank spot, it's always safer to stick to beer.

The other night i felt like drinking scotch, which i haven't had in a long time. So i went to buy a bottle from an int'l grocery store, but Qianqian advised me that the Russian convenience store would be cheaper.

It wasn't, but the selection was better. So i was able to choose a bottle of Glenfiddich single malt scotch, which was about CAD $40. Fine. My dad will be in BJ before long, so I don't want to disappoint him with Johnny Walker Red Label.

Upon returning home, I poured a couple glasses, toasted w/ my brother, and enjoyed. Mm good. But not that good. Sometimes i really enjoy my drink and other times not. But really. This should've tasted better than that. It tasted ok, in fact, but definitely did not taste like 40%. I was disappointed. Q said i should take it back and graciously offered to accompany me.

We went down to the store w/ a glass in hand, and said, “It's fake. We don't want it. You try it. Can we get our money back please?”

“No. It's real.”

“No, it's not. I've drank this before. It's not the same.” (Although my brain was actually struggling to recall whatever Glenfiddich tasted like).

A supervisor came in. Telephone calls were made. One converstion included suspicious information such as “He' a foreigner. In his 20s. Maybe a student.” I realized I shouldn't have dressed so casually.

We were told that the bottle would be sent for a quality control check up. It could take a week or so before we were notified of the result.

It was turning into too much hassle. I suggested to Q that we forget it and split, (to which she commented I was being a nerd).

She told them said we'd handle it tonight or she'd call the police. She said to me, “You're 100% sure it's fake, so why should you be worried?” To myself I thought, “Only 85% sure, actually.”

So what could happen? They send it off for quality check. Somebody says, “Sorry it's real,” and that's the end of it. I was scared that my tastebuds were going to be put to the test.

Five minutes later, a full refund was silently slipped onto the counter, which we pocketed before slipping out.

Success! I wasn't stuck w/ a $40 bottle of mystery scotch. We had beat the system. Or rather, Q had. She was admittedly annoyed that I had considered ducking out, after I had dragged her into the situation. But in her mind, of COURSE we'd get the money back, from this store which was totally loaded with illegally imported and untaxed goods. Well. What would the foreigner know about how things work?

The lesson: don't buy booze (cheap OR expensive) from the sketchy Russian store. Or other sketchy establishments, for that matter.

Life After Teaching

Hey gang,
Well, at the conclusion of last June, I was officially unemployed. However, before I'd gotten back to Beijing, a friend of mine who does voice work in BJ knew some guy who was looking for writers to create ESL oral tests. So I put on the tie, and did the interview where I sounded totally overconfident in my capabilities.

I did a rough calculation of my hourly wage from last year, and asked them to match 118rmb/hour. They said sure. Then i realized that $18/hr isn't that much, and holy shit, is that all i was making last year?

So i emailed the boss, asking for 200rmb/hr. "Sorry I miscalculated." And he said... okay. Wow.

Part time i've been writing dialogues and questions and editing other stuffs. Correcting enviromental misinformation whenever necessary. "Actually, the cows don't destroy the grasslands. It's just farmers who naturally accept payment to raise cattle," etc etc.

But.

This job's been just a handful of hrs/wk.

So i've kept myself busy by playing music and painting. Yay.

And also doing some writing along the side, some of which looks pretty good, but i haven't submitted any of it to anyone. My bad.

And also i've sent out some resumes.

Had an interview yesterday at Radio China International. That would be rad. But i ought not to talk much about it yet. If i get confirmation on it, i'll wax poetic. So in the meantime, you can wish me well if you so desire.

Eurotrip Part 2

Hopped on a train to Bratislava. Woke up on said train and was informed that Bratislava stop was 100km back. Jumped off at Brno and convinced an angry girlfriend that Brno was a nice place to spend a night. Which it was. Forked out a lot of money on a swank medieval style hotel, strolled the car-free cobblestoned downtown core, and ate a pork hock the size of an overinflated football.

Bratislava – boring renovated castle, touristy old town, great hipster band, one Jazzanova DJ, and one drunken couple who seemingly tried to proposition us into swinging, which we opted against.

Convinced by the large number of recommendations to visit Vienna, Austria, we veered off to Vienna, Austria. Jaws on the floor, to witness such ubiquitous sculptural precision and emotion on public display. Statues are great. Stone statues of embattled people transforming into writhing sea creatures are so next level. Prominent galleries which prove that Gustav Klimt and Egon Schiele did much greater things than decorate yuppy living rooms. The world's undisputed best apple strudel. The city that Mozart himself chose for his freelance years. The place is f'ing civilized.

Prague. Never seen a city so well preserved in my life. Sure, it's touristified, but the winding maze of roads and historic architecture, and the wonderful absence of modern buildings creates a real feeling of going back in time. A tourist packed cathedral which still manages to bring tears to the eyes. Obviously , everyone says, “It was better before,” which it undoubtedly was, but the place still deserves to be prioritized among European destinations.



Berlin. Second time for Qianqian and I, and we stayed w/ my brother's friend and her bf (who i got on w/ rather well). He and i went out for beers in a sweet little living room of a club when our gf's were too tired to deal w/ us. After about 3 wks of travelling attached at the hip, Q and i eventually had a fight, where we both act like immature kids, and ended up taking separate routes in the gallery for the day. I take a full 50% of the responsibility. I need to voice my issues earlier instead of letting stuff stew in my gut to the point where i can't deal w/ stuff rationally anymore. Also got to meet up w/ my punk guitarist friend Matthias, who i hadn't seen in 6 years. He's still shredding. Berlin, if you don't know, is cool. Not overcool, but very cool. It's also “the poorest” city in Germany, as all the artists and indies go there. Organized, and efficient, but the DIY attitude is still in full effect. Spent rather too much time “shopping” w/ the gf, but did get to see lots of different chunks of the city.

So.

Eastern Europe is def underrated. Good to hang out w/ Gavin and Abe (and we didn't even rehash our drug laden university days). Totally happy to witness Abe and Judit's wedding. Also in three weeks i had more meat than i've eaten in the last three years. That coupled with the daily beer consumption created a small beer belly on my skinny body.

Back in Beijing now: meditate. Read a book about buddhism to start being the Buddhist that i officially am. Run / bike / swim more. Get a job.

Eurotrip Part 1 – Budapest

Budapest – totally cool city in a way that's predictably totally different from Beijing cool. Lots of cool hipster areas, Banksy graffiti, and artsy bars. And century old cafe culture. Qianqian and I had the good fortune of being invited out to Budapest for friends Abe and Judit's wedding, and got to hang out w/ them a decent amount.

The bachelor party: Sziget Music Festival. Well this one choked Q. She'd already stated she wanted to go to Sziget to see the Chemical Brothers, who happened to be playing the day of the boys' party. However the boys' party was for the boys, and she had another (slightly less wild) party to attend.

A gang of about ten guys, mostly new to me, had a rather spectacularly entertaining day/night. All members quite drunk. Nobody too drunk. Tons of ADD distractions provided by Sziget such as badminton, tight rope walking, machine bull riding, and others we didn't get around to like zip lining, bars in the sky, karaoke, bungee jumping, yadda yadda.

But mostly when I think of Sziget I think about the Crystal Castles performing in some massive black tent. Everytime I listen to Crystal Castles at home, my bro or gf tells me to turn it off because it's too intense. I admit, I too had never listened to the entire album. But i had a feeling they'd be mad live. And they were. Or at least the show was. Not once did I really even see them. (I admit I shot a video which showed a lot more than anything I witnessed during the show, that's for sure). I just saw a lot of fog and a strobe light and was crushed amongst thousands of people yelling, screaming, and jumping up and down. I had a full beer in my hand which I was inadvertently splashing all over everyone around me, so I tried to gulp it down as fast as possible, sloshing a large portion of it over my chest and more on bystanders. Anyhow. It's pretty insane how you can get totally caught up in the mad focus of such a huge mass of people.

Here's the vid that I shot. Oh yeah.



The wedding was great too. Lots and lots of artsy types as the bride's father was an artist, the bride is an artist, the groom is an artist, and they studied in school w/ a bunch of artists. Never before have i been asked “Are you a graphic designer?” so many times in a night.

The bride was beautiful in her dress, cape and shoes. Shoes which I had formerly seen and thought, “Uh, you made those crazy shoes for your WEDDING???” The wedding ceremony was sweet and simple and brought tears to my eyes. The dinner and speeches were all quite entertaining, despite the periodic translations.

And then there was the party. A band played some traditional songs, some Velvet Underground, and other dance hits. The bride was “kidnapped” and had to be woo'd back by the groom's impromptu epic performance of an epic indie love song he penned years ago.

Anyhow, admittedly me and Q ducked out earlier than others, and hence missed swimming, people forced to eat by losing pingpong, and the DJ angrily packing out after being upstaged by the groom's brother. Fun.

The rest of Hungary: swimming at the lake w/ the wedding party. Me and Q checking out art galleries, castles, and cathedrals, and a small serving of mushrooms.

Stay tuned for more on Slovakia, Austria, Czech Republik and the Deutscheland...

A Brief Meditation Retreat

Scooted out to the outskirts of the city for a 4 day meditation retreat. My friend Yuqi works at this Buddhist centre which is NOT a meditation retreat centre, but he said i could spend some time there. Two Tibetan lamas had just vacated the place, so i didn't have to sleep on a couch.

Too bad, I just missed this one 26 yr old lama who is apparently the 7th incarnation of some important lineage, and all these people were bustling to pay their respects. Yuqi was impressed by the number of China's filthy rich who were present to pay homage.

One lama was still around. He struck me as a slightly grumpy fellow, and I was amused to hear the sound of television commercials sneaking out of his bedroom. "Don't judge," I ineffectively advised myself.

Anyhow.

Nice place. i was informed (several times) i shouldn't pay anything to stay; just help out.

In the end, i didn't get in half as much sitting as i'd hoped. i was busy cleaning and resetting hundreds of candle jars.

And one day we went out to purchase $300 worth of fish, eels, frogs and turtles to be released in a lake to celebrate the anniversary of Buddha's first teaching. We went to some fish market drenched in horrible stink and selected the lucky SOB's who would taste freedom for the second (first?) time. A couple workers lugged our blue bags of fish, amphibians, reptiles and chunks of ice into a van and headed out to the lake with us.

“Hey Yuqi, if we buy these fish, then the store will just be happy and buy more fish to sell, right?”
“Yes, this is a problem.” Yuqi redirects to how these fortunate few turtles were saved from having their bellies sliced open, clawing the air as their blood spouts into a pot of boiling broth before being plopped whole into the pot for a writhing public execution.

“Do these workers think we're weird that we're buying these fish to set them free?”
“No. After the cultural revolution this is a common Buddhist practice.”
Oh.

And of course i had reviewed carefully in my head the dangers of introducing non-native species into local ecosystem and shared my insight.
“Oh yes. Food chain...” Yuqi gave a rather insufficient explanation of how these species wouldn't fuck things up so bad, but i didn't press my case.

At the lake, the lama led the present Buddhists in five minutes of prayer before pouring some blessed water into the squirming bags which were carefully lined along the sandy bank.

It was cool to see those turtles sprint out of the bag and swim into the depths out of sight. I dedicated the turtles' liberation to that poor bugger back in the mandarin school. The frogs who were clawing their way up the walls of the bag were less climactic to watch. Once they'd tasted the air and sun and water they seemed content to lounge. Which is fine, but the few frogs who didn't survive the journey sadly tainted the scene with their limp limbs and pale bellies.

The next day, i had offered to cook dinner since at the centre there seemed to be some interest in western cuisine. Oh! You like potatoes! Fried potatoes! That was their understanding. I concocted a menu of mushroom cream pasta, salad, and (for them) potatoes.

However the list of ingredients i'd requested weren't all available. Nobly, I held my tongue and said, “Great! No problem.” I prepared the meal for seven, which admittedly was not stellar. The lama in particular seemed unable to eat what i'd prepared. Others smiled and said “Delicious!” Internally i rolled my eyes and said a not insincere “thanks.” My suspicions were later confirmed when later bottled peaches and apricots were bust out to ensure the lama or anybody else didn't go to bed hungry. However, in fact i think i did a decent job at trying my best to make a decent meal, and in not beating myself up so much when it didn't pan out according to plan.

On my last day there, some cute woman arrived to attend the lamas' prayers. As soon as i saw her, i felt conflicted. In general i avoided her and made evasive comments before going off to whatever i was going to do. Later we ended up working together cleaning more candle jars. She was super friendly and interesting, explaining about how she had turned to Buddhism after she was diagnosed with cancer, and survived the experience. It was all pretty fascinating, but i did my best to stay somewhat aloof 'cause i thought she may be interested in me. Anyhow, I need to figure out how to be open and friendly with open and friendly people while keeping within appropriate boundaries. In the end I think I probably came off as a touch rude. Sorry, lady.

I sat less than 1/2 the hours i'd planned, and certainly did't get to the depth of meditations i'd hoped for, but coming home afterwards, i disembarked the subway and walked through Beijing alleyways while listening to a guided meta (loving kindness) mp3, and could feel this field of positivity emanating from my core as i strolled along. But I still avoided eye contact w/ passers by. Just in case.

Up Up and Away

Well, sort of.

Here's my unsuper recap of summer.

Mandarin class wrapped up surprisingly quickly. I wrote the school an email and talked to some lady about the turtle who lives in an aquarium that's far too small for him, and lives a life of utter boredom and discontent, but it doesn't look like they're gonna do anything about it.

The class itself was ok, and met some nice foreigners who all speak roughly the same level of chinese as me (except that i was by far the illiterate one). And i also would have preferred a teacher who was more of a Nazi. Less friendly chit chat, and more Today we MUST get through exercises A, B, C, D and E!

Watched a bunch of vids and movies w/ my gf, who's worked as much as ever through this rainy, hot July. Transformers got slaughtered by the critics, but i thought it was pretty refreshing after the abysmal part 2. I won't tell you why, in case you go and see it. But it does some interesting historical reinterpretation.

Also: The Hangover. Pretty f'ing funny. Don't read the back of the DVD box first, if you can. Really.

And then: today i'm of to some buddhist place for a 4 day retreat. Although i'm sure the place isn't set up as a retreat centre, and there's a possibility i may be sleeping on a couch. Which is fine.

Then back for a couple days, whereupon me and Q will throw our lives into suitcases for a few weeks. YES she got the visa! So we'll be off to Budapest, Hungary for Abe and Judit's wedding. Then off solo to explore Hungary, Slovakia, Czech Republic, and Germany. Yes, it'll be a busy few weeks.

And then i'll return to a jobless life in BJ, whereupon i'm hoping that my ex-employer forgets that they gave me that 1 year visa, and DON'T cancel it leaving me an illegal resident who could get kicked out of the country forever more.

i don't expect it to come to that.

Expect more scintillating updates upon my return, dedicated readers!

Crazy summer MADNESS!!!

Well this is summer alright.
Beijing's hot and peculiarly humid. Admittedly this is my 1st July spent in town, so I'm not sure if all these sporadic torrential thundershowers are the norm.

Unbelievably, it seems like July is already drawing to a close, and what've i got to show for it? Well, i've been in mandarin classes for 3 hrs/day, 3 days/week. And that's been ok, although i'd frankly like to see yet more rapid improvement.

I've sloppily recorded most of the guitar songs i've ever written so i don't need to worry about forgetting any more of them.

i went running once. Did a bit of writing.

and...?

This is a disappointingly small list of accomplishments for 3 weeks. Yes, i'll be off to Eastern Europe in August, but what can i do to exploit my time here?

Intentions:
finish the painting i started 8 months ago.
Visit Fragrant Hills area.
Visit Temple of Heaven area.
Get something published on a local website.

Q is working all summer long, including some wkends, so trips out of town aren't too feasible. I kind of want to get her out more, but i know that when i was teaching i sure as hell didn't want stay up past 11:05...

In the beginning of August i'll hopefully skip out for a 4 day self-guided meditation retreat.

Also, i'm unsure about the plans for next year. After politely saying thanks but no thanks to my employer about working next year (right after i received the 1 year working visa from them), they contacted me twice to ask me to reconsider.

i had actually said that i decided not to teach FT next year, and now they just asked what that would look like. And that if I don't work for them, they'll recall my work visa. With a sigh, i responded politely saying that of course i'd be happy to work 3 days/wk.

We'll see what happens.

The Hits of Yesterday

I remember before I'd left Canada for China, I asked a Chinese (from China) girl about biking in China. Is it dangerous? I'll need to get a helmet... She informed me, "If you wear a helmet in China, people will think you're... special." But it didn't take long on the roads of Beijing to realize that a helmet's not a bad idea.

I've witnessed numerous collisions involving bikes (only one involving a head injury), and had a few instances of forgettable contact myself.

Yesterday was my first real accident. Chill. I got off scot-free. Zero employment of my helmet.

It wasn't yet late, but the sky was already black. I was finishing up a rare recreational bike ride, and was 1 minute from arriving home.

I raced ahead to catch the green turning light, noting the approaching taxi who was turning into my lane. No problem, he'll see me. Generally speaking drivers somehow manage to find the brake pedal in time, regardless of the unpredictable shit that foggy drivers and pedestrians thrust in their path.

But this time he didn't see me. I yelled at him at full volume, thinking that my left leg could be on the brink of some serious pain. Then he hit, slamming on the brakes milliseconds later than preferable. I found myself amazingly having landed on my feet, completely unscathed. But the adrenalin at least got me to start yelling at this guy in broken chinese. "I have a green light! You are wrong!" He apologetically concurred that he was busy looking the other way.

A few people stopped to watch, before puttering on. This wasn't serious enough to garner a proper crowd.

I made a show of whipping out a red pen and writing down his license number on my arm. The driver was worried. But elated that I wasn't hurt. And that even the bike seemed alright. It did seem to be strangely untouched. The way things are handled in China, you could call the cops, but both parties usually prefer to take of their own business with one party passing cash to the other.

So i contemplated: 200rmb maybe? 100? But as the adrenaline receded I started to think about the life of the average cabby, the 14-24 hr shifts, dealing w/ drunks and idiots, relentless traffic and ubiquitous bonehead drivers...

Ok, ok, ok. You go. He smiled and pumped my hand with both of his. "Xiexie xiexie xiexie!" Yeah yeah, no problem.

I hopped on my bike and realized that it wasn't exactly riding properly. Eventually i realized the car had struck exactly one place on my bike: the side of the pedal. Thus warping the crank and/or bottom bracket. I groaned wondering if this was gonna cost me some coin. In the end it did: 5 kuai. Or 80cents to get it bent back into shape.

The end.

Lesson: use your front light. It's not useful sitting (conveniently) in your bag, you lazy punk.