The Difficulties In Staying Single

solo
Originally uploaded by statusqphotos

Ok. Single single single is the name of the game, but nobody said it would be an easy game, did they.

So almost immediately after i called things off w/ J (la belle femme francaise), i told an msn friend of mine about it, and she said, "No way, me and my bf just broke up for the same reasons!" But i hesitated to meet her since... i'm trying to stay single, and she's self-confessed she's too emotionally needy, so she needs a new bf. (warning lights, anyone?) Also, i recently learned that she found her new requisite bf already, so hopefully that works out for her.

Two.

At a show, i am introduced to a very cute girl who has seen me on her friend's photography website. Pix i've nver seen, so she sends them to me, and we start emailing, and make vague plans to meet at a festival. But things don't align, and then it turns out she needs to run off to school in south China.

Three.
My photographer friend asks me to do a studio photo session because she's practicing for fashion photography. So i do some poses (some which are great, and some which i deem awful: i don't like any pix which stem from "Look surprised."). Then her friend shows up. A yoga teacher who i've met briefly before. Immediately we're doing snuggly poses and then she's insinuating fellatio with a curling iron whose power cord stems from my fly. Um, deja vu? Photo session aside, she's rather flirty and touchy-feely with me. I was keen to get to know her better, despite the Stay Single game, so i was kinda surprised to learn yesterday that she has a boyfriend.

Which is great.

Because...

Now it's easier to stay single!

That's the goal, but frankly i feel like it's fate that's doing the work, not me. i can't really say i WANT to be single, but i KNOW (or think) that it's better if i can stay single for a while. Be more emotionally independent. Yadda yadda. So. Really i've been making zero effort to meet women these days. That's a-ok. But when i do inadvertently meet women, the wheels still start turning. Such is life, i guess.

In other news: i went for dinner with a guy on Friday who seems really cool. That's great 'cause it's strangely rare for me to hang out with men in BJ. Weird, what a life.



The pic is a self-portrait from a dilapidated swimming park i found.

Techno Isn't Dead

any minute
Originally uploaded by statusqphotos

It's just really boring.

Yesterday i went to Beijing's 1st Electronic music festival. A roster of local and international djs did their thing in a stellar industrial park area in the art district. I realized it was a superb party once i got over the fact that the music was soooo dull. Hey, i listened to tons of techno bk in the day, but all this hardliner techno is 95% just beats, and not only are the beats incredibly repetitive and lacking in melody, but they sound exactly like the beats we listened to 15 years ago. i was a bit incredulous that nobody else seemed to notice.

My brother is quick to note that of course, for most BJ'ers, the music IS new, so hey: rock on. Anyhow, if people are hooting and hollering and waving their hands in the air, we can only presume they love it, so who am i to judge (which i just did, oops).

Aside: i also bumped into the young girl i dated bk in fall for the 1st time, and her supercute new bf. That was really cool, i thought, though at first she did say she shouldn't talk to me for too long or else her bf would get jealous.

Running on the Wall

the garden
Originally uploaded by statusqphotos

1st of all, let me say that blogger's been blocked, presumably by the PRC, which is rather annoying. But H informed me that i can post thru flickr. So amen to companies like Google buying up and consolidating everything.

Anyhow, last wkend was fun. i went to my friend's band's concert, then hung out bkstage w/ her bandmates and some other musicians, then went out to a bbq meat joint with the drummer and keyboard player and got pretty drunk.

Then i had to split to catch the 3:30am bus out to the great wall. attempted a nap on the 2.5 hr ride to the wall. i had to argue my way into the site 'cause i had no confirmation or race # or anything, but finally got all my stuff.

Then me and about 1500 other other people (about 95% expats, but it was pretty expensive, and so i understand, Chinese folk just aren't so much into running anyhow) all ran out to the wall.

The course was really really cool. It offered 1000 stairs to climb up, treacherous descents not suitable to running at any speed, sections of wall wide enough to accommodate only one runner at a time (which caused big traffic jams, forcing people to socialize or organize things like... The Wave. Ha.). It offered plenty of beautiful vistas, but also toured through the local village, through old hutongs, and farmer fields.

Before the run, i was all gungho about doing my slowest race to date, having trained sporadically, and not being interested in limping for a few days afterwards this time.

And after climbing a few stairs i realized just how great of an idea walking was.

Also, it was nice to take time to take some pictures. Especially in the village where the local folk were watching the race. And then i realized that this provided a welcome reversal to the usual voyeur-subject relationship between travelers and locals. So it was really natural to take pictures of the locals, and they were all accommodating.

The last time i did a 1/2 marathon i did it in under 2 hrs. This one took over 3. But i felt i gave it a good go, and didn't suffer any muscular aftermath.

Oh. i should also mention i was sorely disappointed by the crappy Subway lunch at the end. And how epically unfair that the veg subs were 1/2 size, and everyone else gets full size. Ooh, i oughta write someone a letter.

School work

Although me and my class are reading a pretty lame novelette, i've still managed to squeeze a couple good journals out of it, like Do good parents (and teachers) make good children? Can good parents make bad children etc etc. And also a journal about growing up, which got me responses ranging from the discovery that Santa is a lie, to previously believing that parents are teachers knew everything when really they don't know much at all, to this:

"When i was young i used to think the communist government was the best in the world. But now i think it's kind of evil. I used to think that chairman Mao was better than god, but now i think he was just a man..."

Boy, this stuff is pretty juicy. I could use more of these students, and less of the incurable slackers.

Out trips: Easy Come Easy Go

Um, i haven't felt like writing much lately, but i guess i should update you on things.

So.

i had a trip to Datong in Shaanxi province w/ my french lover, which was pretty good. Saw big buddhist statues in caves. Went to a monastery built into the side of a mountain, but after buying tix decided that the 2 hr line up of tourists wasn't worth the effort. Hiked up the mountain and drank wine sitting on the plateau instead.



Somebody discovered my wallet somewhere in my pants. Some young guy gave me super bad vibes staring at me w/ this unrelenting greasy grin. i was all like "fuck, i just want to get the hell away from him." So naturally i suspect he was involved when i noticed that my pocket had been razored. But of course, there's no proof and what are the odds of seeing the guy again?

The next day, on a bus in a different town he was sitting right behind me. Fucking weird. "Ni ji de wo ma?" = "Remember me?" he asked? We talked a tiny bit, which was odd, but he wasn't all weird this time. I went to sleep.

Mostly I'm annoyed that i was carrying a few hundred bucks (like a month's wages for many chinese folk), 'cause that only serves to reward the deed and propagate the behaviour. Otherwise, it's just a hassle to replace things.

Hit the Strawberry Music Fest bk in BJ which was pretty fun. Saw a bunch of people i know. Including Heather and her bf, and a friend who sorta dumped me. So that was all kinda weird.

And also that was the end date for me and J. So now i'm officially single again, and actually gung ho to stay this way for a while. Which won't necessarily be very fun. We'll see.

Also. It's just over a week 'til the Great Wall Marathon. or 1/2 marathon, for me, i should say. Too many stairs, either way.

Increased Communications, Maybe

i would like to request your skype IDs. If you have a skype ID. i might start using skype. i want to, in fact. But i need contacts 1st, i think. So you can contact me. Or i can contact you. And that could be nice, if the mood is just perfect. And neither one of us is sleeping.

Friends without Benefits

Over dinner, my friend (w/ benefits) mentioned that her mom is coming to China in summer, and proposed that we could all do some travelling together. Which compelled me to disclose that i was planning to tell her next wkend that friends (w/ benefits) should probably just be friends. Next wkend, and not now, because next wkend is the May Day long wkend and we've got train tix to Xi'an province, and plans to catch the tail end of a music fest in the BJ outskirts.

We both use each other, but in different ways. I'm not so big on solo time these days, so I do my best to keep myself busy. And J always invites me out to art openings, parties, dinners, and trips out of the city.

Sometimes i can see her getting emotionally attached to me, so i want to be clear about things. She feels that if we have a good time together, enjoy similar activities and tastes, and the sex is good, that why wouldn't we be together?

But i know that if i want to be a friend, and i really really do, then of course, i shouldn't use or hurt her, and the more time we spend together, the stronger the emotinal connection becomes. On her part. Because as i may have mentioned before, i don't feel much love connection with her.

Anyhow, i asked if knowing my intentions to back up our relationship a bit makes her want to stop things right away. But she said, no, we can go to Xi'an, have a good time, and then break afterwards. Which is, i must say, ideal. And i think it shows how cool she is. The whole conversation was strangely casual, over bites of veggie version shake and bake chicken, and she concurred that this seems to be the best decision.

i feel kinda weird about life solo again. i will attempt to stop meeting hot women for a while, and maybe to meet more boys, and maybe to do more solo activities. We'll see how that all goes.

Just in time for 4.twenty.

After an achingly long separation from my lover/friend/demon/therapist, that special lung-cancer inducing, mind-shifting cigarette, i finally got connected. Admittedly it was kind of a shady transaction, with high speed pass offs in darkly lit street, but i've gathered that that's sorta the norm in these parts. So much for the wholesome days of buying from my ex-gf over a cup of herbal tea, she being hookt up by her dad, with a personal guarantee that the hell's angels had never touched the stuff.

But taking into account any embedded bad karma, i was quite happy with the... taste. To indulge, me and my friend had gone to the Temple of Heaven for the day, which was fine, but the place was rammed with tourists. Luckily, it dawned upon us that a rented paddle boat is the perfect place for a mellow semi-secluded spot to ... relax. Although oddly enough, a family did a high speed crash into us mere moments after sparking.

Since getting connected i'd surprisingly started partaking daily. Which seems great in the sense that i've been enjoying my walks and jogs and bike rides and movies immensely. i've been eating tons, which is good to help me acquire another pound or 2. And i've been smoking more cigarettes and rather enjoying them.

Also on the downside... have you ever heard that the stuff makes you... stupid? Example: on the bus with my friend, (70% of the time we talk English, 20% of the time we talk French, and 10% of the time we talk Chinese) i was a bit... (drunk), and i was talking to her about my past experience with alleged... (alcohol), not caring about other passengers since no one could understand me, until my friend, with a worried expression, informed me that i was in fact talking CHINESE and was thus comprehensible to any interested ears. Duh. Then i felt weird about this one staring guy, and had to ditch the bus.

Another example... last night while jogging home with a litre of yogurt in one hand and pack of msg-laden Pringles (and man, i like never eat that shit), i tripped on the sidewalk, got thrown to the ground , and (i can only presume) lost my apartment building key. i took that as a sign that maybe this daily habit isn't in my best interests.

Rats. Too bad, 'cause i admit that as soon as i stepped into the apt this evening, i rather felt like having some. So instead i poured myself a glass of scotch, and reminisced about a crazy long streak of sobriety i had in my 20's... mostly 'cause at the time i just felt like sobriety was the shit.

Although i recall that i would've done a line, if one had been offered to me. Funny that.

Swinging

Apparently if you go to a jazz big band swing concert and you wear a fedora, all the women will wrongfully assume that you know the slightest thing about swing dancing.

Still, the 20 piece band, and guest vocalists were fantastic, and by the end of the night i had actually remembered a few moves from gym class 20 years ago. And my friend had picked up enough to keep up with me, though she's definitely not used to being "led", haha.

Interesting event, called Great Wall Swing Out. The next morning a whole crew and the band went out to dance on the wall. A lot of people from Shanghai and Hong Kong had come out to dance. Mostly beautiful women, incidentally. (isn't that what they always say about dance groups/class?) Anyhow, it's a nice change of pace to just stand around, and to be asked to dance by gorgeous strangers. Even if a number of them withdrew their request after hearing, "Sure... but i don't actually know what to do..."

Exhibition

You may recognize my bony legs in the picture above. Unfortunately, this exhibition is in Guilin, so i am unable to attend.

Anyhow, if you're interested, some of the pix from the photoshoot way back when are on the photographer's flickr site. Mostly on pg 4 now, i think.

In fact, there's nothing that particularly shows its me, and though pix may be suggestive they're not particularly explicit.

I may pose a bit for another friend tonight, but more for fashion photography. She said something about big brand names. "But i don't have any brand name clothes. I hate brand names." "It's supposed to be ironic." "Hahaha, ok, fine then." But still. i don't have anything brand name.