The life and death of Sidd story

Once upon a time there was some energy floating through the universe, far, far away. It was quite happy just going past the beautiful stars and the planets. For that energy, one second, one hour and a hundred years were all the same.

Then the energy floated past our sun, and saw a tiny blue planet nearby. It floated down to the planet and saw that the planet had water, trees, penguins, fish, hedgehogs, lions, butterflies and other animals.

The energy thought, ‘Hm, maybe I’d like to be a tree for a while.’ The energy went into a tree and grew very tall, and lived for 100 years, giving birds and squirrels a home.

Then the energy thought, ‘Hm, maybe I’d like to be a coyote.’ The energy went into a coyote and grew up in a family, chasing chipmunks and rabbits.

Then the energy thought, ‘Now I’d like to be a person.’ But first it needed two parents. So he floated around and spotted William and Yoyo. They looked very nice and in love. But William didn't want kids. So the energy went into William's dream and showed him the baby it could be, and William asked himself, 'What right do I have to stop you from being born?' When William woke up, he decided he could have a baby with Yoyo.

The energy went into Yoyo’s belly and started growing. First it was so small, you couldn’t see it. Then it grew to be as big as a grape! Then it grew to be as big as a pineapple! By now the energy was a tiny boy, and mommy’s womb was getting to be too small.

One day, there was a white light, and the boy was being pushed out. He was a little scared! Then his head poked out, and it was very bright, and a bit cold. He looked around, like ‘What the hell is this place?’ Mommy quickly gave him a hug and some milk.

The baby Sidd grew into a little boy, who grew into a big boy, who grew into a strong young man. Later, he grew into an old man, and would get sick and cough. The energy felt that being a human was nice, but it missed floating past the stars. So it floated away from the body, out to the sky, to the stars. Some people were sad when Sidd died, but the energy wasn’t sad. It just floated out peacefully into the universe; and the past, present and future were all the same thing once again.

Sidd requested a story about three little shoes

Once upon a time, there were three little shoes, lost in the forest where somebody dropped them. It was winter and there were some dogs running around, and they all had cold feet from the snow. A dog found the shoes and put them on his feet. He now had three warm feet, but he still had one foot with no shoe.

When the other dogs saw him, they were very jealous. ‘Wow! You have three shoes! I wish I had even just one shoe to keep me warmer.’ But the dog only complained. ‘Three shoes looks dumb. I should have four.’ The others insisted, ‘You have three warm feet! We are all cold in the snow.’ But the dog wouldn’t listen. ‘My one foot is still cold,’ he complained.

Then when he was walking home, he crossed an icy road without looking both ways. A speeding car tried to stop, but slid on the ice.

Bump! The car hit the dog!

The dog had to go to the vet, and the vet said the dog’s leg was hurt and it had to be cut off. Now the dog only had three feet. And three shoes to wear.

‘Now you have three shoes on three feet!’ the other dogs exclaimed. ‘How do you feel about that?’

The dog looked at them and said nothing.

[last line completed by Sidd, much better than how i’d planned to end it]    

Sidd requested a story about a mushroom and celery and asparagus, etc...

Once upon a time, there was a mushroom, riding his bicycle along. He wasn’t paying very close to where he was going and then … thump!

‘Oh no, what was that?’ He looked back and saw a piece of celery lying on the ground behind him.

‘Hey are you okay?’

The celery just lay there.

The mushroom called 9-1-1, and waited for a response.

‘This is Emergency. What is the problem?’

‘I hit some celery with my bicycle, and now she’s just lying on the road!’

‘Is she alive?’

‘I don’t know!’

‘Is she breathing?’

‘I don’t know!’

‘Calm down, okay? Can you see the chest rising? Can you feel any breath coming out of the mouth?’

‘Yes. I can. She’s alive.’

‘OK, good. So you keep an eye on her. We’re sending an ambulance right away.’

Soon the mushroom heard a siren approaching. ‘Weeoo - weeoo!’

An asparagus driver leaped out of the ambulance, put the celery on a stretcher and loaded her into the ambulance. He was driving along when he heard the celery moaning. He turned around to check on her.

‘Hey, are you okay?’

And then he felt something. Bump bump!

‘Oh no, what was that?’

The asparagus jumped out and ran behind the ambulance and saw a piece of baby spinach lying there. Oh no, he hit the baby spinach! Then he looked up and saw the mommy spinach standing nearby.

He checked the baby spinach but … the spinach was dead.

‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!’ he said to the mother. But the mommy spinach just looked at her baby and didn’t say anything. Then she turned away and stared at the ground.

The asparagus called the hospital and they sent somebody to take the mushroom to the hospital. Then he loaded up the spinach and drove to a place where there was a giant wooden bowl in the ground.

Inside the bowl were other dead vegetables - cucumbers, sliced up tomatoes, pieces of lettuce. He slowly took the spinach out, softly dropped it into the bowl and watched it settle on the other vegetable pieces.

Then he heard a voice.
‘Look out! Here come the croutons!’

Pieces of hard bread fell onto the dead vegetables.

The voice called out again.

‘Stand back! There’s dressing coming!’

A liquid splashed out over all of the vegetables and croutons.

‘Goodbye, little spinach. Sorry I killed you,’ said the asparagus to himself. Then he climbed back into his ambulance and drove away.

Sidd: 'I feel confused'

I think my son is turning into a sensitive little guy.

After a week in Calgary with my parents and brother, he's started indicating that he's got strong feelings of missing people.

In Calgary he was missing Yoyo's mom, and got a little down when he was asked to do a little tai chi 'demonstration.'

He was bummed when my brother went back to Calgary and almost refused to say goodbye, but eventually ran and gave him a big hug.

Then me and Sidd went sledding with friends, and then he had to say goodbye to them. We left and he looked at me seriously and said, 'Daddy. I feel confused.'

Never heard him say anything of the sort before, and was pretty surprised that he even picked up the word 'confused.' I'm pretty sure he's wondering why people have to say 'goodbye,' and end the good times. He concurred that he was thinking of my brother.

We Skyped my brother and dad, and he was downright melancholy when he announced to each of them, 'I miss you.' Poor guy.

Then he was out of sorts at bedtime, swinging from, 'Daddy, go away. I don't like daddy,' to crying and saying he loves me.

[i admittedly needled him a bit beforehand when he was trying to challenge me, saying, 'Daytime is for sleeping.'

'Actually, you're right. You can have a nap in the daytime.'

'Don't say, "you're right!"'

'OK, want me to say you're wrong?'

'Yeah. Daytime is for sleeping.'

'You're wrong.'

After a bit of this he broke down and finally went to sleep.

I Dream of Loni Anderson

Had a weird dream where Loni Anderson appeared. She had died but reappeared to say a proper farewell to people. She gave me and other people a video about herself, which sounds pretty tacky, but in the dream it was a very sweet gift that i was very pleased to receive. 

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Then i realized it was a dream, even though i was still dreaming. So in this dream, i was wondering why the hell I'd been dreaming about Loni Anderson. 

Then i really woke up. And i was like, Yeah, i haven't thought about Loni Anderson in over a decade. i'd watched a bunch of WKRP in Cincinnati though i frankly never really liked her character much. Why did she pop up in this dream all of a sudden? Did she really die? 

i rolled out of bed and opened up my laptop. I searched out Ms Anderson on Wikipedia. According to the page, she seemed to still be alive. 

So then i googled, "Loni Anderson passed away." 

And...

There at the very top of the page was a link...

"Loni Anderson 2015: Actress Killed by..."

So that was pretty darn crazy. 

I clicked on the link and read the following. 

"Loni Anderson dead 2015" : Actress killed by internet death hoax

News of actress Loni Anderson's death spread quickly earlier this week causing concern among fans across the world. However the May 2015 report has now been confirmed as a complete hoax and just the latest in a string of fake celebrity death reports. Thankfully, the actress best known for her role on the television series WKRP in Cincinnati is alive and well.

The day was from the day before (which is kinda the same day in China, considering time zones). 

Anyhow, so I was NOT contacted by the ghost of Loni Anderson, the actress i'd never cared a great deal for. But i think i WAS tuned into some sort of collective consciousness energy about her. This was also a first for me. Frankly i'm generally not a very energetically tuned in individual. 

My coworker prefers to believe that i'd seen something about this piece of news on the internet. Which is certainly possible, but highly unlikely. i hadn't even been able to access Facebook in over a week, due to Great Firewall issues. 

Anyhow, chalk one point of for me. Because China can censor the internet, but the firewall can't stop energy or consciousness from traveling across space and/or time.  

 

A Weird Dream

I was about to be hung, along with 2 or 3 other people. I had a hood placed over my head and was sat down on the seat of a children's swing set. Some thin rope was looped around my neck and pulled tight. 

I started swinging back and forth, with thinking, "I don't want to die. I want to live. There's so much to live for! And so many rad people. And so much love. Love! Love!"

Then i started sending out metta vibrations, and i realized that Hey, this is a pretty rad way to die!

But then i stopped swinging, and realized that i could see through the hood. There was a window, and a mountain and lake vista beyond it. I really wanted to look out it, so i stood up. 

The executioners were worried. Like, "hey, he's not dead, and he's actually gotten up!" i noticed that one said executioner was J, one of my CRI colleagues/friends. I said, "J, i recognize you. Don't worry, I just want to look out the window." There was no negative feeling at this point. I went up to the window but realized that everything outside was very distant, blurry and kinda disappointing. 

Also, i noticed that the rope around my neck wasn't tight anymore and was kind of falling off. So i was trying to push it back into place.

Then I woke up. 

What does it mean? 

I gather it's about work and CRI. I'm kinda killing myself here now, or at least i feel it's not benefitting me so much anymore. The swingset may imply that it's like a place to play for me. And there i am not exactly committing suicide, but kinda complicit in the act. And no anger at anyone. That's just how it is.

The window: freelance work, i reckon. Windows of opportunity, but frankly not much happening these days. 

DAy 23: women's rights over their own bodies

I'd just finished editing and exporting a video but then when one of the editors saw it, he was like, "Oh, we shouldn't use the part where the chef hugs ZQ." I was confused. The chef won a prize,  ZQ delivered him his present, then he scooped her up in his arms, and everyone laughed. It looked good on film.

Turns out she had requested the pix/vid of that moment not be used. This was a great annoyance to me, since 1) it made my video more entertaining 2) re-editing is more work 3) other people had requested to not be in the vid, and i refused to edit them out, and 4) ZQ is a public figure and she was ON STAGE, so what right does she have to tell anyone not to take pix/vid?

But the more i thought about it, the more it struck me that something deeper was at work in that moment. Four professional chefs (all white men), in a competition. One wins. He playfully scoops up the young woman who delivers his prize, split seconds after another chef cheered him on to do it. "Do it! Do it!" Kind of an ol' boys club thing.

Anyhow, even though ZQ laughed along and was a sport, that she likely didn't want to be picked up. Also she was on stage so she needed to go w/ the flow. But evidently it was a moment when she wasn't in control of her own body.

So anyhow, in the wake of all the Jian Ghomeshi and Bill Cosby biz, i got a bit more tuned into what people mean when they talk about men and our presumed right over women's bodies. Anyhow, on Monday, i'll make that video 3 seconds shorter and re-export it.

Day 19: Headaches

Having a lovely time w/ the CDN immigration folks. But i should'nt go into detail because it would amount to pure complaining. 

Progress made: they have confirmed that they received the immigration package, but there's a problem with it. They apparently sent me an email, but it was def never received. 

I'll call back tonight. 

The difficulties incurred in attaining this information were not mentioned in this blog. 

Day 18: Interstellar

Chris Nolan's big epic sci fi movie tackles relativity, quantum physics, black holes, enviro degradation, and the saving of humanity.

Never before have i rolled my eyes so many times during a movie. From Hollywood cliches to ridiculous dialogue to gaping plot holes to overuse of sfx and soundtrack to squeeze emotions out of viewers... the flick is pretty ridiculous.

But it's also pretty damn entertaining for 3 solid hours.  The plot is pretty gripping, despite its Hollywood hokeyness.Actors all pretty darn convincing. And i admit that i like it that ideas about multiple dimensions are getting fed to the general public. And it does portray a not-so-distant planet Earth that's ecologically fucked by humanity, which is a healthy reminder. But then again, life on a devastated planet is portrayed as being 99% the same as what we see today. And also there's the narrative that after you fuck up the planet you gotta run away to another planet. Hollywood's addiction to sentimental happy endings isn't really challenged, which frankly disappoints me.

Despite well-publicized flaws, Interstellar is a movie that will likely stick in your head far more than the other blockbuster baloney that is today's standard.

Day 15: Crabby

So in the end, the iching basically told me that regarding the crabs, i'd made my point, but whatever i do pbly won't amount to much difference.

Yoyo invited a couple friends over, and we had a big lunch together. i didn't eat the crabs, though i did indulge w/ the potatoes and carrots that were drenched in pork fat. Yummmm.

But before eating the crabs, i untied all of them since i don't imagine being tied up in the fetal position would be very fun for several days. Made me think of the Cultural Revolution when guys had their hands tied up behind their backs, tied so tight that their hands turned completely black due to lack of circulation. Some of them climbed out of the box and scuttled around the apartment for a while. Don't know how they felt about that, but i'm sure it was much much better than sitting around tied up for their last hours.

Then they all got steamed and were reportedly delicious.

Question: is getting steamed any worse than being eaten alive? Nature is a tough lady.

Day 14: In-laws

Met up w/ some of Yoyo's more distant relatives who were in BJ from Nanjing. Took them out to Quanjude, a rather expensive Peking Duck restaurant that had a huge line up and mediocre food. That's what you get w/ a restaurant that has "history" in the capital. Afterwards i told Yoyo that next time she should suggest a restaurant w/ better food. She countered that that would've been inappropriate as they already wanted to go to. Oh well. Anyhow, it was fine, and they invited us out to Nanjing to hang out sometime, so we'll pbly make a wkend of it sometime next spring. 

Day 12: Meditation Group

My old meditation group fell apart 'cause i moved out west. But i started a new group here, mostly w/ just a few coworkers. The group is pretty small. 2 or 3 people attending (inc me) is pretty common. Once it was a party of one.

Once a friend said it was very generous of me to make my home available for this purpose and to teach some meditation. i truthfully answered that i don't do it for YOU, i do it for ME.

it'd be good to have some folks w/ more bkground in meditation attending, but it's mostly newbies w/ me. But that's ok. Some people have had some surprisingly direct results, so it's great to be able to facilitate that.

Still, it'd be good to get some more folks involved. i attended a yoga session at CRI today for the 1st time which was pretty good. If i get to know some folks there, then maybe i could find some crossover crowd...

Day 13: Hairy Crab Dilemma

A couple of Yoyo's relatives arrived in BJ and gave us exactly 10 hairy crabs. Living. To eat.

They're pretty expensive. But i don't wanna eat 'em, and it's too many for Yoyo. i just want 1 crab to symbolically set free. Yoyo can give the rest away to friends or whomever. Yoyo already steamed 3 of them, which kinda depressed me. So i said a little Buddhist prayer for them, and sent them some metta, which made Yoyo feel kinda annoyed 'cause she started feeling guilty and not like she wanted to eat them anymore. So i stopped. But i did find it pretty depressing when the stove got hot and started rattling with steam.

i felt the least i could do was to untie one of them so it wasn't all fucking cramped up strait-jacket-like. Then stuck 'em in the fridge to make them sleepy.

Anyhow, if i can think of a source of water around here, i'll deliver him/her there. Problem is there ain't much "natural" water sources around here. According to wikipedia, hairy crabs can handle lead and pollution pretty well, so that's good. But also it's pretty darn cold in BJ these days. So chances are these crabs are all destined to have short futures. That's kinda sad, but also just the way the world works.

Day 11: 11-11, aka Singles Day, which happens to also be Online Shopping Insanity Day

History Lesson.
11-11 looks like a bunch of singles, so somebody online jokingly said, It's Singles Day! It caught on and spread until the custom became that singles would meet up w/ other singles to increase yr odds of finding a boy/girlfriend.
But also.
November had no major holiday, and therefore no reason for Chinese citizens to run out and buy shit. So folks at Taobao website were like, "No girlfriend/boyfriend to love you? Why not love yourself and (naturally) BUY YOURSELF some shit (like a vibrator)?" And this quickly became the biggest online shopping day of the year w/ crazy discounts blah blah.

That's them.

For me, i had to work as a camera man shooting the Singles Day edition of Chopsticks & Beyond, a project which i have little enthusiasm for (even though i'm kinda proud of editing the last edition into a pretty darn watchable little piece of culinary action).


Today was 50+ singles watching a professional food competition, then doing teenage flirting games, and the winners each got a plane ticket to Taiwan. Not bad! Will they go? Will they go together? 

Anyhow, i have no idea what this it'll look like after i edit it dn to 3 minutes.

Day 10: Up the Mountain

No big plans for this 4 day wkend, but i did say earlier that i wanted to ride my bike up a mountain, 'cause there's this mntn visible in the distance from my apartment w/ a pagoda at its peak, so i assumed there's a road that goes way up there.

Me and my friend William (a triathlon buddy) rode our bikes up there. Turned out to be way farther than i thought, looping around trying to find the right road up to the top. We almost gave up just when we'd gotten close-ish. i was pretty beat, riding/walking a single speed bike up the super steep incline. i was hungry and was out of water. William was tired too. Thankfully William brought lots of snacks and water and shared them out. So we doubled our efforts to get to the top.

20 min later we arrived almost at the top, where a guy at the gate demanded $7 entrance fee. So we're like, fuck that, and wander off to the adjacent peak for some equally lovely views, despite the polluted weather (turns out APEC has totally not been able to get blue skies for its entirety).

Then the ride dn was crazy insane, steep and fast, constantly winding. Adrenaline and icy fingers.

Ride home, hot dinner, hot shower, glass of scotch, blog, bed.

Yay fun.

Day 9: environmental issues, as usual

A while ago, a panel of UN scientists said that humanity needs to get off of fossil fuels by 2100, or we'll really be fucked. Ok. But the problem is that the huge majority of people and governments won't want to give up the cheap energy that oil and gas provide us. Even i won't like it, though i say i'd be willing to accept it. 

The point is that individuals can never make a sweeping change such as that. Governments would need to seize the reins of industry and force a new direction. But that's not gonna happen in a democracy. But what about in a 1 party state? Yoyo explained to me that it's even less likely to happen in China, as every govt official reached their position through serious family and business connections: lots of people you can't alienate. So no dice there. Shame, that. 

Anyhow we got into this weird conversation about my own environmental practice, which is admittedly pretty small potatoes. So i try and recycle a few bottles, reuse some plastic bags, ride a bike, and avoid flying once in a blue moon. Yoyo rightly says that the amount of change this creates, or the number of people it influences are far too miniscule to create real change. So i argue that i'm not exactly trying to create change but just to do what i'm supposed to do. If i have a platform to connect w/ the public, and i've certainly had a few, then i'll do that, but my goal isn't to change the world at this point in time. 

Yoyo feels that if my environmental actions affect her own standard of living, then she can't accept it. I'm pretty sure it's a fact that the number of people, say, avoiding air travel for enviro reasons is pretty damn small. And fair enough, i've traveled to countries 'round the globe, loved every minute of it, and obviously anybody (especially Chinese folks) would also love the opportunity to do so. The discussion def wasn't an argument but it was kinda tense, i thought. 

Hmmmm.

Day 8: My cell phone issue

Last night i was w/ my coworker friend at a gig. During the majority of the gig he was on his phone WeChatting with somebody. Ok fine. People do that. He prioritizes the chat, he misses the live show of a Mongolian folk rock band.

The problem is me. It drove me nuts to stand next to him and his phone. I would move fwds so that the phone was no longer in my field of view. But for some reason it still bugged the hell out of me. Eventually, i squeezed my way into the crowd to forget it.

Same thing happened to me during a really cool dance-kung fu performance in Zhengzhou. My coworker was WeChatting messages to people all through the performance, telling them how great it was, and it was super hard for me to watch the show, her phone just sucking my enthusiasm away.

I'm not complaining that people should stop messaging so much, and live in the moment, yadda yadda. But that's not really the problem. The problem is in my head.

'Cause somebody using their phone is their biz, not mine. And i fully recognize that my reaction to this minor and normal 21st century stuff is out of proportion. Dunno. Maybe i just need to meditate more.

Day 7: 100 word story

A while ago my writing group decided to put ideas into a hat and everybody pulled out 2.

1. Nuclear bomb
2. Alcoholic.

So i was supposed to write a story including these 2 things. i started a great story about an alcoholic when tipsy one night, but couldn't figure out how to work in the bomb.

Then a guy invited me to do this 100 word story thing, so it seemed like an opportunity to deal w/ my karma. Here's my story.

Fact: an atomic bomb was detonated 8.4 km from where Wally Kazinsky was repairing the toilet in a decent brothel. The brick house shivered violently from the blast, a few windows shattered. There’d been talk of an attack, and Wally considered the possibility. He grabbed his glass of scotch before he went to look out the window. His legs were wobbly. Maybe nervous, but definitely  drunk. People were crying, hurt, bleeding. Fuck. They were probably already bathed in radiation. Wally was dizzy but lucid enough. Time for emergency measures. He found his hammer, and headed to the corner liquor store.

Day 6: Blue Sky Day

Bk in the day APEC in my mind was a bunch of peaceful protesters getting pepper sprayed in the face by belligerent cops in riot gear.

Today, APEC to me means a 4 day weekend and plenty of blue skies. Because in welcoming dignitaries from across the world, Beijing has shut down most factories in the vicinity in order to avoid face-costing smoggy skies. Actually, yesterday was still surprisingly bad, but otherwise it's been exceptionally clear.

But we paid for it already, i figure. In the weeks leading up, the air was pretty shit and i assume it's 'cause factories had all stepped up production in anticipation of the upcoming days of closure. Somebody called that a conspiracy theory; but it's not a conspiracy, its common sense. 

Day 5: Belly dance

Today i had a belly dance lesson.
Last time i had one was when i was 19 years old, more than 20 years ago.
My friend was teaching it, and she was worried that if only 1 student was available today they'd pbly cancel class, so i figured i should join in.
The other student was also a dude, oddly enough.
As before, i'm still kinda stiff in the hips. Frankly if it's not free form dancing to electro dance tracks, i'm not much of a dancer.
Her iphone battery was about to die, so i was thinking, "ok, maybe we'll get to finish class early!" But then she ran off to get the power cord, ha.
Well, it was still ok, but frankly belly dancing seems a bit too girly for me. Hell, i wasn't that much into swing class either, and swing music kicks ass.