Saturday, February 26, 2011

The Porn Addiction



I too was surprised when i got out of the Mount Emei monastery and into a hotel room to see how much grip pornography had over me. "Ok, I'll just finish this email and blog and then I can browse Redtube." (Redtube is one of countless sites which has evaded the censors so far). But then it was mere seconds before I'd peeked at Redtube, 'cause hey I might as well start the streaming so it's ready when i finish my chores, and... etc etc. Next thing you know 1 hr of porn clips later, i'm realizing my intended 4 hrs of meditation that day is quickly becoming an impossibility.

Then back to Beijing.

Q comes across a porn site on my computer and asks if i was jerking off. "Of course" was my answer. But later she confides that my porn consumption really bugs her, and she feels disrespected by it. I never felt that i was disrespecting her by using porn, though i generally kept it out of sight since i know she's not into it. Nonetheless i can totally understand her feeling that way.

At first i wished that she was a Savage Love devotee, like myself, as Dan always staunchly defends moderate usage of porn by boyfriends and hubbies. See here and here, if you like. But then hey, even i can recognize that porn is one of the less healthy entities in my life. A time killer for sure. In Buddhist terms, it's definitely bad as it's designed to increase craving, craving being the key cause of suffering. Funny, Dan never takes the Buddhist angle.

Anyhow, though i don't think i'll ax porn out of my life quite yet, i'm doing a month without. Which has been going... great! No prob! Although i have debated about where a website like truedirtystories.com fits in. Hmmm.

This porn break also fits in w/ a Meditate Every Day in February stint that a bunch of people are doing.

Well let's see if everything keeps under control in another few weeks.

And hey, that's RON JEREMY in the pic there. Dang, what a surprisingly decent-looking hunk he once was.

1 comment:

Paige said...

oh, it's just a phase you're going through....I'm sure......
but I really don't think the meditation is gonna take it's place....maybe you'll just bate a whole lot more!